Rocking the Roles Summary
Follow here for a summary and discussion of Rocking the Roles. This book is a recommended resource at the Weekend to Remember Marriage Getaways. It is available from Navpress (www.navpress.com), copyright 1991. It is conducive to individual study, couples study, and small group study. The book also includes discussion questions. So far I give it 4 "rings" out of 5.
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Chapter 2: The Myth of the Roleless Marriage pp. 24-25--
ReplyDelete"...25 years of research on who does the chores shows that employed married women work 'roughly fifteen hours longer each week than men... Most women without children spend much more time than men on housework; with children, they devote more time to both housework and childcare.' How much more is "more" for these women? Eighty percent... In short, employed wives not only handle the responsibilities of a job outside the home, but work ...a "second shift" once they arrive home. ...It seems women have lost ground, not gained it. They not only have to keep house; they have to help pay for it as well!"
What do you think?
"Chapter 3--Why the Roleless Marriage Won't Work; A Completely Egalitarian Relationship Makes Little Sense Organizationally pp. 27-29
ReplyDeleteMarriage requires each partner "to complement rather than imitate one another in their functions." A roleless marriage requires that each partner be the leader, accept responsibility for consequences to decisions, and each partner complete every task equally. An interesting picture of chaos and of nothing being completed. This dynamic doesn't function anywhere in human history or present and when attempted results in failure. "Marriage is an organization. And like any organization, large or small, it can succeed only by accepting the timeless principle that the partners carry out complementary functions. In other words, marriages work best when the partners have roles."
Thoughts? Experiences? Additions?"
"Chapter 3 Continued--Why the Roleless Marriage Won't Work
ReplyDeleteReason #2-There's no track record for it in the course of history. Every known culture assigns roles and responsibilities with consistency: men responsible for "larger community" and women responsible for "domestic management and rearing of young children". Men and women are not treated identically anywhere in cultural history.
Reason #3-God's directions assign terms "head", "protect", "provide" to men and "helper", "lover", and "submission" to women--an assignment of roles. Husbands are to have servant leadership and wives are to support and nurture.
Chapter 3 Conclusion-- "For all of its flaws, the egalitarian concept of marriage springs, I believe, from a genuine concern to see fairness, justice, and respect operating between married partners. These concepts are biblical, too! God wants to build those qualities into every relationship. ...The roleless marriage doesn't deliver them... [and] neither does the traditional marriage."
What are the pros and cons of the "traditional" marriage? The "roleless" marriage? What should "servant leadership" look like? What should "support and nurture" look like? How do you bring "fairness, justice and respect" into your relationship? If neither of these types of marriages present a good picture, what composition makes the picture ideal? What do you think?
"Chapter 4--Reflections on the Traditional Family
ReplyDeleteSummary: Television roles influenced and created our definition of "traditional family"... mom at home cooking and cleaning in pristine appearance, dad off to work returning home to put his feet up and be pampered while reading the daily news. While it's an ideal we have seemed to strive for, this TV model is full of errors. Problem 1: Absentee fathers who were present in the home but uninvolved in the family life and happenings (extra long work hours, emotional absence). Due to this absence, men never learn how to be "healthy men" and the traditional family model encourages this absence. Problem 2: Devaluing of women. "...In the traditional family, the woman's value and identity were measured only with reference to husband and children. Who a woman was and what she was worth were defined in relation to them, never in terms of herself as an individual." Thus creating feelings of abandonment, isolation, resentment--being used. Problem 3: Mutual tolerance of one another instead of oneness. Traditional marriage creates a situation where two people are living together but they still lead separate lives. He does one thing, she does another. Living in isolation in a marriage leads to the death of the marriage relationship. "The failure of love might seem to be caused by hate or boredom or unfaithfulness with a lover; but those were the results. First came the creeping separateness: the failure behind the failure." And this was not the design for the marriage relationship.
What are your experiences with these 3 problems? Do you feel isolated? Unappreciated? Disrespected? How has the TV culture of the "Leave It to Beaver" days influenced your life and your views/expectations of marriage? What would changes you make to the "Traditional Family" look like?